Soul Search, I dare you.

So, it's been a while.... I hope no one has given up hope on me yet! I'm still here, and yes still doing better than ever!! Seriously you guys. I encourage every single person who reads this to take some time and do some soul searching. Soul searching?! Like... What even is that? Before a year ago I probably would have LOL'd if someone told me to soul search. But for real. I've had the most treacherous, amazing, horrifying, wonderful, awful, and enlightening past few months, because I was doing exactly that. Searching my soul, finding out who I really am, what makes this girl tick. That's what your late teens early twenties are for right?? Well, I feel like I skipped that whole era of life. So I had to try find myself real quick. I'm not by any means saying that I know exactly where i am going in life, or even exactly who I am yet, but I know I am way closer to figuring things out than I ever have been.

Okay, so maybe you're like how do you even soul search? Take some time just for yourself. I promise it really is okay to stay at home by yourself on a Friday night. Do whatever it is that makes you the happiest. Watch chick flicks and eat ice cream, dance around your room to Justin Bieber all night, go for a long drive, whatever it is just do something by yourself. So, maybe these things i suggested are what i like to do... and they don't seem like they would help you find yourself at all, trust me. When you're alone you will find your mind wandering to things, asking yourself questions, wondering what's next for you. Pay attention to those thoughts. If we are just quiet and listen to our mind, where it goes when nothing else is going on, when it's at it's most vulnerable state, that is when soul searching can start.

I've figured out that the single most important thing right now to me is being a good mom. I've thought a lot about that term "a good mom". Who is the judge of that? What is a good example of someone who is a good mom? Guys, like, kids don't come with instruction manuals.Crazy, right?! There is no How To Be A Good Parent handbook, unfortunately. But I have thought about it, and a good mom to me is if someday, down the road if someone was to ask Taisley, "Do you know your mother loves you?" and she would answer with something like, "Absolutely, without a doubt. I know my mother loves me more than anything in the world." That is my goal. Just to make sure Taisley and any possible future children know that I love them unconditionally, no matter what they could ever possibly do, I will always love them.
p.s. is she not THE cutest?

The next, is just to be a good person. Guys, everyone's life is hard. Every single person has something hard they are going through. Maybe it's something as simple as a bad hair day, which really can make you feel so bad about yourself. Or something way more serious like, losing a loved one. And anything in between those two extremes. If everyone would just keep in mind that every person we come in contact with is having problems, i think the world could be a much nicer place. Like, maybe you heard something about someone that you don't really know on a personal level. Something that didn't really showcase their best features, don't judge them for it. You don't know their whole story. And who knows? Maybe you could be really good friends if you gave them a chance. Get to know someone before you even begin to think you know what kind of person they are. Chances are, you probably have no idea what really is going on, and there is ALWAYS two sides to every story. Also, to put it bluntly, mind your own business. No good can come from meddling in other people's life. Focus on the things you are going through and i promise you won't even have time to worry about anyone else's problems. Now, of course I'm still working on all of this, no one is perfect. But when you take the focus off of other people and onto yourself, (in a good way) you figure out a little more of who you really are.


Lastly, I just want to have fun! I know what I like to do, and i intend on living my life to the very fullest, because I missed out on a lot of things while I was in a relationship, and i have A LOT to make up for!!. Like, honestly don't let silly little things going on in life make your mind so preoccupied and worried that you can't even have a fun night with your friends. Because you look back at all the fun you could have had and feel so dumb that you were too busy worried about something so irrelevant to your life. Like, before you let that happen, stop and ask yourself "Will I still be worried about this in a few days? a few months? a few years??" And if even one of those answers is "probably not" STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT!!! (Sorry about the caps lock, but this is serious) Let go and just have fun!! We are only young once and how can we expect to ever be old and wise if we are never young and crazy? So, let's get cray.

But really. Dedicate a few days to figuring yourself out again.You're not the same person you were a few years ago, maybe even less than that. Just do you for a few days, and i guarantee you'll be surprised at what you find. Happy Soul Searching!

                          xo
                             Tess